When yet another disastrous relationship ends in two-week bender of alcoholic oblivion and Bridget Jones movies, it is easy to assume that you are simply “unlucky in love”. After all, it’s not your fault that you attract idiots, right?
Disastrous relationships – break the cycle
Wrong! Well, possibly. We all have bad relationships from time to time. They are the people who seemed perfect at the end of a vodka soaked night of karaoke and kebabs. They called us a few days later and when we agreed to meet them we were pleasantly surprised at how hot they were. But after a few months of great sex and romantic declarations, we soon realised they were emotionally dyslexic and commitment phobic to boot. So we finally called time on the relationship and decided to avoid karaoke bars from that day onwards.
Unfortunately for some people, disastrous relationships become a way of life and they lurch from one bad relationship to another, often seamlessly. However, with some soul searching and brutal honesty, it is possible to break the cycle of bad relationships and move on into a new and healthier relationship era!
How can I break the bad relationship cycle?
In order to break the bad relationship cycle, you have to be able to identify a pattern. Of course this is not always easy as most people are great at denial. Looking deep into our psyche for reasons why we might be hopelessly attracted to bad boys or married men can be surprisingly hard, especially when you see things you would rather not face in the cold light of day.
Attractions to unsuitable people very often stem from our childhood experiences. If our parents were emotionally cold or absent for much of the time, we subconsciously search for someone similar to recreate the same feelings and so that we can “make” them love us. Of course this self-perpetuating pattern always ends the same way: the object of our affection emotionally withdraws in the face of our neediness and insecurity and we are left alone and unloved…again.
There are plenty of other dysfunctional relationship patterns including unhealthy attractions to unavailable or married men, so if you can look back at your last four relationships and admit they were all married to other people while they were with you, it is time to accept you might have a problem.
Recognising you have a problem is the key to breaking the bad relationship cycle. Once you are aware of the destructive relationship patterns, you can take the first step to changing your behaviour.
If married men or unavailable types are your thing, you need to be extra vigilant when you meet somebody new: instead of ignoring the signs or thinking “I won’t get involved”, take a step back and DON’T GET INVOLVED!
Becoming more aware of the destructive relationship types you are subconsciously drawn to, you can learn to avoid treading the same old path, time and again. It will not be easy, but it has to be better than wasting time with people who can never love you in a healthy way, right?
And if you do some soul searching and open a big can-o-worms in the process, please seek professional counselling to help you address those emotional issues.on at and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.