How to Move Beyond the Friend Zone

Friends of the opposite sex are always good to have, but it is not uncommon for one person to develop romantic feelings for the other as you spend more time together, particularly if you are both single. Unfortunately, this unhappy situation can cause all kinds of heartache, so if you are struggling to keep a lid on your feelings of unrequited love, find out how to move beyond the friend zone.

Research has shown that the more time you spend with someone the more attractive they become, and since work is typically a place where we spend more than six hours per day in a close knit environment, it is hardly surprising that many of us end up falling for a colleague after flirting with them over the water cooler for weeks. But what can you do if you wake up one day and realise you have fallen for someone you consider to be a friend rather than a love interest?

How to move beyond the friend zone

Such feelings often catch us unawares: where once we viewed the person as a friend and nothing more, suddenly we start thinking about them more than is healthy or experiencing jealousy when they mention dates with other people. However, rather than ignore your emotions, you must accept that your feelings for this person have changed and decide whether your friendship is at risk if you try moving the relationship to another level.

How can I move beyond the friend zone?

Getting catastrophically drunk and blurting out to all and sundry that you are in love with your friend is not a smart move. Instead, pay close attention to how they act around you and try to ascertain whether your feelings are reciprocated in any way. If you think they might be, or at the very least are not sure, it is time to test the water, but if your friend is obviously in love or is attached to someone else, keep your feelings to yourself and take a step back to avoid any embarrassing admissions.

Pick your moment carefully (preferably when neither of you are under the influence of drink) and tell the person you like them more than a platonic friend should. Keep your admission low-key and be prepared for a less than positive reaction. Just because you have thought of nothing else for weeks/months, your revelation will probably come as a massive shock to your friend, so give them time to get used to the idea.

In an ideal world, your feelings will be reciprocated and you can build a long lasting romance based on mutual respect and friendship. It may not happen immediately, but hopefully once you have admitted how you feel, your friend will look at you with fresh eyes and realise what they have been missing all this time.

What shall I do if they don’t feel the same way?

You need to steel yourself for rejection when you finally get things out in the open and admit how you feel and no matter which way you look at it, things are going to be awkward for a while. At best, your friend will be sympathetic but admit they do not feel the same way about you, but at worst they may be completely freaked out and avoid you from that moment on, which is likely to be a huge blow. If this is the case, you are going to have to accept that the friendship is over and move on with your life. It will hurt for a while, but it sure beats living with the pain of unrequited love.

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How to Attract Older Men

From the beginning of time, older men have been attracted to the youth and vitality of younger women. It could be argued that when an older man starts dating a younger woman he is merely trying to recapture his own youth, but whatever the reason, if you have a penchant for sugar daddies, read my tips on how to attract older men.

Although society often takes a dim view when an older woman has a relationship with a younger man, it is very common for older guys to date younger women and the internet is full of “sugar daddy” dating sites designed to help young women hook up with rich older men.

Why are women attracted to older guys?

Money—sad, but true. Older guys are usually financially secure and come with all the trappings of wealth: they have worked hard and now they want to share the fruits of their labour with an attractive young girl; preferably a woman other men want to date.
Charisma—older guys are often more charismatic than younger guys. They exude the self-confidence that comes from years of life experience, which is very attractive to a younger woman seeking a comfortable lifestyle on the arm of a wealthy man.
Maturity—older men are obviously more mature in their outlook and when compared to an immature twenty-something, there really is no contest.

How to attract older men

The best way to attract an older man is to be everything he wants in a woman. Naturally this involves looking good and presenting yourself in the best possible light, so pay attention to your hair, makeup and figure and be prepared to spend lots of timer working out and pampering yourself. But although looks are very important, they are not everything and in order to keep an older guy interested, you have to have a great personality and posses some intelligence, too.

It is not always a meeting of minds when an older guy starts dating a woman much younger than he is. For one thing, when the age gap is more than a decade, both parties have very little in common and it can be hard to find mutual interests if one person grew up in an era when the other had not even been born (think Hugh Hefner and a succession of Playboy Bunnies). But even if the age gap between you is huge, it is still possible to form a mutually satisfying relationship based on friendship and respect for each other’s interests and outlook on life.

How to keep an older man

An older man generally chooses to date younger women because he enjoys their youth and different outlook on life. But we all age and as time passes, you may be concerned that your older guy could trade you in for a younger model. Obviously this is a very real threat and if he has a history of losing interest in women after a few years, or there are a string of ex wives of varying ages in the background, you may just have to make the most of your sugar daddy while he is still interested and be prepared to start looking for a new one soon. But in the meantime, take care of your looks and work hard at keeping your older guy so happy he doesn’t have time to consider trading you in for a younger model!

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How to meet local singles in your area

Although there is nothing inherently wrong with being single, when you are keen to meet “the one” the world can feel like a very lonely place. But if you have recently come out of a long-term relationship and are unsure of how to meet local singles in your area, do not despair, as there are lots of easy ways you can kick-start your entry into the dating scene again!

Meeting singles in your area takes time and commitment and sitting at home in front of the TV every night is never going to gain you any dates. You might be lucky enough to meet someone interesting at work, but the chances are that you already know everyone pretty well at the office and most of them are married or unavailable anyway, so for maximum success, you need to adopt a few different approaches to the dating game.

How to meet local singles in your area

Thanks to easy internet access, online dating is probably everyone’s first choice these days. Joining a plethora of dating websites gives you access to single people in your local geographical area and you have the advantage of being able to chat and find out more about them before you meet.
Speed dating is another popular option for meeting singles in your local area, although you will probably find your speed dating options are limited unless you live in or near a large town or city.
Singles ads in the local paper still exist, despite the popularity of online dating websites. This type of advert does not carry a picture and they tend to appeal more to older people, but even if you are in your twenties, there is nothing stopping you checking out the local paper and seeing if any of the adverts catch your eye. After all, looks aren’t everything!
Go bar hopping at the weekend to meet singles if you want to combine a night out with scoring a date or two. However, for this approach to work, it helps if you don’t plan a night out with dozens of your mates, as this is likely to be intimidating to single members of the opposite sex.
Sign up for an evening class or two! I know it sounds like a cliché, but broadening your horizons with higher education is a great way of making new friends and meeting singles. Plus you can learn something useful!
If you have sporting interests, join a club catering for people with similar interests. For example, if you are a recreational runner or cyclist, join a local running or cycling club—you can benefit from training advice at the same time as being introduced to some single people with the same interests as you. Everyone’s a winner!
Ask around amongst your family and friends and beg for some introductions to suitable singles in your area. Once people realise you are serious about meeting someone new, they will probably be more than happy to help you score an introduction to Aunt Gertrude’s hot nephew who has recently returned from backpacking in New Zealand.
Keep your eyes open and a smile pasted on your face. Being happy and approachable is the best way to meet single people living in your local area—even a trip to the local supermarket can potentially secure you a date if you catch someone’s eye and start a flirty conversation down the fruit and vegetable aisle. Just make sure they are single first!

I have tried all of these things and I’m still single!

Sometimes, when nothing seems to be working, the best approach is to stop looking. It is all too easy to become obsessed about the thought of meeting someone, which soon turns into desperation. So if this sounds like you, stop looking and relax—someone special will come along when you are least expecting it!

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How to spot a commitment phobic man

Online dating sites are full of people pretending to be one thing or another: lots of unwary singles fall prey to players masquerading as singles when they are in fact married or otherwise attached. But unfortunately commitment phobes are less easy to spot, particularly in the early stages of dating, which is why this type often causes so much pain and upset. So to avoid such grief, learn how to spot a commitment phobic man before you fall for their twisted charms.

The best time to spot any kind of flawed personality type is in the early stages of a relationship. At this point, our eyes are wide open and we are far more likely to see a person as they really are. Once we become emotionally attached or subject to an intense sexual attraction, hormones take over and we start ignoring the personality facets we find less attractive—which is why a woman in love finds it easy to pretend their lover is not a cheating, lying control freak, even when the evidence clearly suggests otherwise.

How to spot a commitment phobic man

Men who find it impossible to commit are usually very charming in the early stages of a relationship. They shower you with attention and make you feel like the only person in their world, but once things start to show signs of becoming serious, they suddenly cool off and the shutters come down, often with no explanation whatsoever.
Commitment phobic men frequently have a long list of exes, none of whom lasted particularly long, but most of whom are still around in one capacity or another. So if a new man appears to be on friendly terms with a long list of ex girlfriends and is very vague about why each relationship failed, wake up and smell the coffee.
Men with commitment issues like women, even though they find it impossible to commit to just one, so they often have lots of female friends in their life, many of whom will be exes.
Commitment phobic men are usually very attentive and skilful lovers—thanks to their long list of relationships, they’ve had an awful lot of practice! Unfortunately, being great in bed is no substitute for quality time outside of the bedroom, so don’t let great sex blind you to the fact Mr Commitment-Phobe prefers to see his mates at the weekend rather than you.
Commitment phobic men are rarely interested in meeting your friends and family and are often unwilling to introduce you to theirs.
A commitment phobe is usually a control freak. It’s ok for him to decide when he sees you, but if you try and make plans to see him, you get nowhere or he cancels at the last minute with a feeble excuse.
If you mention “the future”, a commitment phobic man will quickly change the subject or, if you refuse to let it drop, pick an argument to avoid dealing with the issue.
The more you try and pin down a commitment phobic man, the more elusive he becomes. In fact it is not unusual for commitment phobes to have a problem committing to a date next week let alone a holiday two months down the line.

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First Date Guide for Men

The dating game is just as scary for men as it is for women and there are lots of men out there who panic about the thought of meeting up with a strange woman for a first date. But fear not because first dates do not have to be an ordeal. With the right approach and some helpful advice from my first date guide for men, you can have an enjoyable evening with your date, and if the spark is there, end up looking forward to a second date.

First date guide for men

Always be respectful towards your date and never insist on picking her up from her home address. You know you are a nice bloke, but she doesn’t, so arrange to meet her in a mutually convenient public place.
Dress appropriately and unless you have an evening at the opera planned, go for smart casual. But if fashion is a foreign language to you, ask a friend for advice before choosing an outfit. No woman is likely to be impressed if you show up looking like a reject from the 1980s.
Take care with your personal grooming before you set foot outside of your front door. It should go without saying, but have a shower and shave before your date. Women are very sensitive to things like body odour and bad breath, and if you don’t smell good, she won’t want to sit anywhere near you let alone kiss you.
Be a gentleman at all times during the date. This includes opening doors for her and treating her with the utmost respect. It doesn’t include assuming she is going to “put out” at the end of the night just because you paid for dinner and the drinks.
Be polite to bar staff and waiters. Showing off and behaving arrogantly is unlikely to impress any first date, so think before you speak.
Pay close attention to your date’s body language. Men are notoriously clueless when it comes to female signals. Even if a woman is yawning her head off and barely saying a word, some men are still convinced they are in with a chance. Generally speaking, if she is hanging off every word you say, playing with her hair, and laughing at all your crap jokes, she likes you. If she keeps checking her watch and disappearing to the ladies room every fifteen minutes, she isn’t interested at all.
Never ask a date whether she fancies you. If she says no, you have just killed the evening stone dead.
Only attempt a goodnight kiss if you are certain your date is romantically interested in you. If there is any doubt whatsoever, kiss her on the cheek and perhaps give her a quick hug instead. And if she has kept you very much at arms length all evening, just say your goodbyes and leave it at that.
If you are not interested at all, just politely thank her for the date and tell her it was nice meeting her. That should be enough to let her know you are not looking for date two, but if she asks, be honest and say no, you enjoyed the evening, but you felt the chemistry was lacking—it is better to be honest than leave someone dangling.

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The First Date Guide for Women

When you have been out of the dating game for a long time, the thought of going on a first date can be really scary. Even if you are a sociable sort of person who is used to chatting to different people, spending a couple of hours with a relative stranger can feel very intimidating. You are also likely to feel under enormous pressure to like them, especially if they have gone to enormous lengths to meet you. But first dates do not have to be scary—the more dates you go on the easier it will become, but if you are still nervous, read my first date guide for women.

First date guide for women

Make personal safety a priority and always tell someone else exactly where you are going as well as giving that person as much information about your date as possible. The likelihood of anything going wrong is low, but don’t take any chances.
Meet in a public place and if you have any bad vibes about the person, make your excuses and get out of there as fast as possible.
Be careful how you dress on a first date. First impressions count, so if you show up wearing a VERY low cut top and thigh skimming skirt, your date will assume you are looking for a physical encounter as opposed to a meeting of minds. Ideally choose something that suits you and is age appropriate. Jeans paired with a nice top is a perfectly acceptable choice for a casual first date, but if you are heading out to a restaurant, a stylish dress or similar is a good look.
Never assume the man is going to pay for everything. Lots of men do like to pick up the bill, but you are always going to meet one or two who insist in splitting the cost of a meal or drinks. Besides, it is only polite to offer to pay your share, even if you are broke.
First dates are better kept short so you are not stuck on the date from hell for hours. Ideally tell your date in advance you have to be home for a certain time: if things go well, you can always arrange to meet them again for a second date.
Do not drink too much alcohol on a first date and if you are the type who loses the plot after two drinks, stick to soft drinks only. Alcohol may be a great social lubricant, especially if you are feeling nervous, but it is better to stay in control of your behaviour and avoid doing anything you might regret. By the same token, do not be tempted to polish off a bottle of wine before you leave the house to meet your date—showing up in an inebriated state will not make a good first date impression.
Make sure you are able to find your way home without relying on a lift from your date so if things go wrong, you are not going to be stuck miles from home without transport.
Never sleep with a guy on the first date, no matter how attracted you are to him. If he is truly interested in you, he will want to get to know you as a person first so have some self-respect and wait until you are certain this person is everything they purport to be.
Never text a guy after a first date, even if you are convinced he is “the one”. If he likes you he will either ask for a second date before you say good bye or text/call you within 24 hours. If you haven’t heard from him after three days, forget about him and move on—he wasn’t interested.

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Is it Love or Lust?

The majority of relationships begin with a healthy dose of pure animal lust, but once the hormones have died down and the urge to rip each other’s clothes off fades, you either decide you are in love, or you get bored and move on to the next person. But how can you tell if what you are feeling is love or lust—and if it is lust, is it likely to become love at some point?

Is it love or lust?

The only way to decide whether you are in love or lust is to define exactly what you are feeling for the person in question. Unfortunately, there is often a bit of cross over in the early days, which can make it even more confusing, so to help you in your quest for enlightenment, here is my list of love and lust symptoms:

Love signs

Being in love makes you feel like you are living on cloud nine. You can’t stop thinking about that person and no matter how rubbish your day at work has been, you are still smiling at 5pm.
You want to spend every waking moment with that person and feel miserable when this is not possible.
You smile inanely at everyone and anyone and the whole world smiles with you.
Being with that person makes you feel “complete”.
When “your song” comes on the radio, you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
You have spent hours talking and getting to know each other and you still want to find out more.
You have already introduced them to your close friends and family.
The future looks rosy and you can’t imagine not being with them.

Lust signs

Being in lust makes you feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. You can’t stop thinking about doing all kinds of questionable things to that person and no matter how rubbish your day has been, the thought of what you two have planned later is enough to keep you smiling.
You want to spend every moment in bed with that person and sleep doesn’t enter the equation.
Being with that person is one long exploration of the Kama Sutra and you have every intention of trying every single position.
When you think about that person you experience a hot flush.
People keep asking you if you have been on a diet because of all the calories you are burning thanks to your new exercise regime.
Although you have been dating them for a while now, you still don’t know the names of their family and close friends, and to be honest, you don’t really want to.
You are not thinking too far ahead – that sounds too much like a commitment and although you are enjoying things for the time being, you’re not convinced you have enough in common to make it last for the long haul.

So is it love or lust?

Read through my list and tick as many as my statements as applicable. Be honest and if more from the second list ring true, you are probably in lust not love and this relationship is unlikely to last. But if you can relate to more things on list 1, this could be the real deal, so congratulations, you are in love!

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Cheating men – spot the signs of a cheating boyfriend

Being in a happy stable relationship with someone you love and who loves you is everyone’s idea of perfection, but real life is not always like that and relationships generally have their fair share of ups and downs, often because of cheating men and women. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough to weather the inevitable storms, but what happens if you suspect your boyfriend has a roaming eye? Find out how to spot the signs of a cheating boyfriend.

Is he cheating?

When you have been the victim of cheating men in the past, it is very easy to become paranoid and suspicious about ALL men. However, developing the mindset whereby you assume all men are cheaters until proven otherwise will become a self fulfilling prophesy, so try and take the view a man is innocent until you have cast iron evidence pointing in the opposite direction.

Tell-tale signs of a cheating boyfriend

In many cases, a cheating boyfriend will give himself away very quickly, particularly if he is not terribly committed to his relationship with you. He might spend a lot of time out with his mates, drinking and acting like a single bloke, or he might come to you with a pre-existing reputation as a “ladies man”. Worse still, you might be with him because you were the “other woman” when he was in a relationship with someone else!

In all cases, the odds are high that you are the lucky girlfriend of a cheating boyfriend and if he regularly goes off the radar with very little explanation, never lets you read his text messages or emails, and checks out other women even when you are with him, ask yourself if you can really trust him.

Does online cheating count?

Yes, online cheating does count. He might try to justify his actions by saying he never actually had a physical relationship with the other woman, but just because he didn’t meet her for an afternoon of fun at a hotel, engaging in risqué conversations and exchanging rude photos via Instant Messenger programs can hardly be described as innocent.

How to cope with a cheating boyfriend

If your instincts tell you (or worse, your friends, family and/or work colleagues) that your boyfriend is cheating on you, start looking for proof before you confront him. Asking him outright might be all it takes to elicit a confession of cheating, but if he denies the allegations, you may have to look deeper into his call records and internet activities.

Once you know for sure he has been cheating on you, you are going to have to decide whether (or not) the relationship is worth saving. This may boil down to a number of issues, including whether or not you think you can trust him again, or even how serious the affair is. Or he might even take the decision out of your hands by saying he wants to leave.

But try not to let one cheating boyfriend ruin your faith in “happy ever after”. Not all men are cheaters and there are plenty of lovely loyal men out there who would never dream of cheating on their girlfriend.

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Am I in love?

We all know love makes the world go round, which is why love is the subject of trillions of books, films, songs, poems…and tales of woe. But what is “love” and how can you tell whether you are really in love, or just the victim of a sexual obsession with someone highly inappropriate? Of course there are some who would say that if you need to ask “am I in love”, you probably aren’t, but for those who are just not sure, read on for some helpful advice!

Being in love is a combination of physical responses and emotional feelings. I could be rather cynical and tell you “love” is simply a chemical reaction in your brain precipitated by the right combination of hormones and pheromones, but I won’t spoil your party. Love is certainly nature’s way of helping us find a mate suitable for procreation purposes—in the early stages of a loving relationship, wanting to make love is an all-consuming desire—but true love is much more than making babies.

Love is about forging a connection with someone who makes you feel like nobody else ever has. Love is about respect, affection, and a desire to spend the rest of your life with this person, plus a whole lot more. Sadly love often dies, but if you are lucky, it fades into something more enduring and long lasting.

Am I in love?

Being madly in love is a wonderful, unforgettable time. Your emotions are somewhere up in the stratosphere and no matter what happens, you can’t stop grinning inanely. Yes, you guessed it, being in love makes you happy and you just want the whole world to be happy with you!
Do you think about your lover all the time? And no, not in a deeply obsessive way, but rather in a warm fluffy way, such as spending all afternoon day dreaming about the last time you saw them, or being so excited about the prospect of seeing them again that work is an impossibility. This type of behaviour is common during the first flush of romantic love.
Are you happy to ignore your lover’s less than pleasant traits because you think they are so damned wonderful? If your partner burps at the table, drops smelly socks all over the bathroom floor, and takes apart a Kawasaki 500 on the kitchen table, but it passes right over your head, there is a strong possibility you are madly in love. Just make the most of it because a few years down the line, this type of behaviour will end up becoming grounds for a divorce!
Are your friends bored rigid at your endless conversations about your lover? Being in love means that you want to tell everyone all about it, which is why shouting about your feelings to anyone who is willing to listen is a classic symptom of being in love.

Am I in love with the right person?

Being in love is supposed to make you happy, so if you just feel miserable and your feelings are not reciprocated, there is a strong possibility you are in love with the wrong person. Someone who loves you should make you feel on top of the world, not something they trod in, so if you suspect you are in love with a bad ‘un, you need to find someone better who is worthy of your love.

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Bored with online dating?

When you have been trying the online dating thing for a year or more, there is bound to come a point when you take a step back and think “I’m bored with online dating”, probably because you feel that it is not working as perhaps you hoped. But before you chuck the towel in completely and resign yourself to a life of celibacy with only the cat for company, think about how you can bring some enthusiasm back to the table.

Why am I bored with online dating?

Based on my own experiences, I would hazard a guess that you have been on trillions of dates with very few successes to your name. Consequently you are now feeling rather jaded and fed up with the whole game and consider it a massive waste of time.

Well if you don’t feel as if online dating is working for you, it is hardly surprising you have grown bored with the venture. Going on endless dates with people who are boring, unsuitable or only after one thing, is enough to kill anyone’s enthusiasm, so maybe the time has come to reassess what you are looking for and perhaps reconsider your approach.

Make online dating work for you

Lots of people adopt the approach of spending a while building an online relationship with one prospective date before eventually meeting them in the flesh to see if the chemistry is there. This is great if you are lucky enough to meet someone you really like pretty quickly, but if your dates invariably crash and burn, it might be a good idea to adopt the scattergun approach instead.

Rather than sticking all your eggs in one basket, start a dialogue with as many interesting people as possible so you don’t get too hung up on any one of them. If the chance of a date arises, take it, even if you are talking to several other people at the same time. And if you get the chance to go on a date with several people, go for it (although not on the same night as that would be a logistical nightmare).

Hedging your bets with multiple partners is not dishonest—it is common sense. If you have a few on the go, you are less likely to be left high and dry when one person loses interest or turns out to be a cad and a bounder. It might be a little confusing at times, but in the early days, serial dating is by far the best way of tackling online dating.

I’m still bored with online dating – what next?

If you really can’t face the idea of signing up for another online dating site, it is a good idea to take a break for a while and try something completely different. Ring all your friends and see if they can set you up on a date or two, or if you are so fed up with the thought of another wasted evening, make a resolution to stop looking for a month or two. It is not unusual to meet “the one” when you are least expecting it and not even looking, so don’t give up hope yet!

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